I owe her my new and unshakable faith. Now, I will no longer say I am Catholic, as I am not in spirit or in action. I am however, a very dedicated person in fulfilling God's will. I have my own religion, and I am in the pursuit of truth. I believe in God; the Son; and (using the catholic term) the Holly Spirit. I believe in this trinity.
I cannot say that I have always been a good individual. I have too often thought of myself first. I have because of my catholic upbringing lived my life as if there would be no eternal life for me, as I was so angry with God. I believed that for me that was it, at death, I would be going to hell. So I acted that way, although, there were so many things I couldn't do because something inside made me feel sick. I can't say I was a bad person either, because it has always been important to me to do what was right, and that often at my expense.
In 2004, something happened to me. I had a new outlook on life, I was past my forties, and something was missing. I had this feeling that I had to redeem myself. Not because I had been a terrible person. No just because I felt like I needed to accomplish something, give back to others. Now for many, accomplishment often means successful. And since many equate success to money, that is what they strive for. I never did, my whole life has been about having fun, enjoying myself, but yet do the right thing. I know today why most of us know what is the right thing. So that's when I felt I had to do meaningful things. And out of the blue, I decide to teach, and I did, for seven years. It was a blast, this whole time I felt so right. One day, I met a woman (friend of my family) who was very spiritual. I did not quite understand at first, but she stirred me in a direction I never thought of. It was during an afternoon at the beach, and the conversations were going full throttle, even a little argumentative from my part. But I was so intrigued that I decided to do my homework. She gave me all sorts of websites to look at. The one that really caught my attention was the Urantia foundation site. In a very short amount of time I was going from one paper to the other. My first, most intriguing paper was about the Lucifer rebellion. Then I navigated to the history of the planet, and so forth.
In the mean time, I married again for the third time. By then, I had purchased a copy of the Urantia Book. I read the hole book in less than eight months. It is a 2500 page book. My wife is a very faith oriented person, and when she requested me to go to church, I did feel like it was important to me. I obliged of course, but I decided to go to a Mormon church. And I have to say I had some very interesting interactions with their Elders (which are very young). Elders are basically young men who for 2 years go on a mission, to propagate the religion, and recruit. At that time I had finished reading the Urantia Book, and was rereading the Bible. I couldn't help it, I had to compare. And I came to one conclusion, God never stopped communicating with us, we are the ones who are stuck in a rut. Books like the Urantia book, are just a continuation of information for us to progress. When the Bible was written, humans didn't even know that the earth was a sphere. So the information (although distorted by the various churches) was sufficient at the time. Later on I made an attempt at understanding the Book of Mormons. In a way I did. But there were too many things that didn't make sense, simple things, like the angels took back the plates; the geographical locations of some of the stories could not be verified; and other things.
So now, I am on a quest to do Gods will, and every day I meditate to get the information I need to go forward in my task.