Monday, July 16, 2012

My Faith

Raised in a Catholic family, I gradually drifted away from religion.  Even my faith in God was almost nonexistent by age 10.  My father had died in a car crash, and I was angry.  Much latter on in life, I actually was brought back to faith by none but my 10 year old daughter.  She actually argued to me in the defense of God, and succeeded.

I owe her my new and unshakable faith.  Now, I will no longer say I am Catholic, as I am not in spirit or in action.  I am however, a very dedicated person in fulfilling God's will.  I have my own religion, and I am in the pursuit of truth.  I believe in God; the Son; and (using the catholic term) the Holly Spirit.  I believe in this trinity.

I cannot say that I have always been a good individual.  I have too often thought of myself first.  I have because of my catholic upbringing lived my life as if there would be no eternal life for me, as I was so angry with God.  I believed that for me that was it, at death, I would be going to hell.  So I acted that way, although, there were so many things I couldn't do because something inside made me feel sick.  I can't say I was a bad person either, because it has always been important to me to do what was right, and that often at my expense.

In 2004, something happened to me.  I had a new outlook on life, I was past my forties, and something was missing.  I had this feeling that I had to redeem myself.  Not because I had been a terrible person.  No just because I felt like I needed to accomplish something, give back to others.  Now for many, accomplishment often means successful.  And since many equate success to money, that is what they strive for.  I never did, my whole life has been about having fun, enjoying myself, but yet do the right thing.  I know today why most of us know what is the right thing.  So that's when I felt I had to do meaningful things.  And out of the blue, I decide to teach, and I did, for seven years.  It was a blast, this whole time I felt so right.  One day, I met a woman (friend of my family) who was very spiritual.  I did not quite understand at first, but she stirred me in a direction I never thought of.  It was during an afternoon at the beach, and the conversations were going full throttle, even a little argumentative from my part.  But I was so intrigued that I decided to do my homework. She gave me all sorts of websites to look at.  The one that really caught my attention was the Urantia foundation site.  In a very short amount of time I was going from one paper to the other.  My first, most intriguing paper was about the Lucifer rebellion.  Then I navigated to the history of the planet, and so forth.

In the mean time, I married again for the third time.  By then, I had purchased a copy of the Urantia Book. I read the hole book in less than eight months.  It is a 2500 page book.  My wife is a very faith oriented person, and when she requested me to go to church, I did feel like it was important to me.  I obliged of course, but I decided to go to a Mormon church.  And I have to say I had some very interesting interactions with their Elders (which are very young).  Elders are basically young men who for 2 years go on a mission, to propagate the religion, and recruit.  At that time I had finished reading the Urantia Book, and was rereading the Bible.  I couldn't help it, I had to compare.  And I came to one conclusion, God never stopped communicating with us, we are the ones who are stuck in a rut.  Books like the Urantia book, are just a continuation of information for us to progress.  When the Bible was written, humans didn't even know that the earth was a sphere.  So the information (although distorted by the various churches) was sufficient at the time.  Later on I made an attempt at understanding the Book of Mormons.  In a way I did.  But there were too many things that didn't make sense, simple things, like the angels took back the plates; the geographical locations of some of the stories could not be verified; and other things.

So now, I am on a quest to do Gods will, and every day I meditate to get the information I need to go forward in my task. 

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